Arrivals - Departures
by Random Guise
Summary: George Caldwell, a simple editor, is swept up in a criminal investigation and murder while riding aboard a cross-country train in the 1976 comedy "Silver Streak". Even if we change some of the details of the transportation, I suspect poor George would still have had problems. I don't own these characters, but I have built a Lego train.


**A/N: In the 1976 movie "Silver Streak" editor George Caldwell had trouble staying on a cross-country train on his journey. It would probably work out even worse if certain details were changed...the original is regular type, the change in italics.**

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Arrivals - Departures

George lay back with his eyes closed while Hilly slowly unbuttoned his shirt, working her way down the front while George went on about gardening tips. A body appeared outside dangling from the roof, lifeless and bloody with a bullet hole in the head. George screamed as the body fell away, leaving Hilly wondering what had happened and why George was so upset, rationalizing it was a hallucination brought on by the champagne.

_George reclined in his airline seat with his eyes closed while Hilly started unbuttoning his shirt. They exchanged nonsensical conversation in a low voice to mask the activity until a loud "Ahem" startled them. They turned to see a flight attendant staring at them._

_"I'm sorry, you'll have to stop that immediately" she admonished._

_"Please forgive me," George apologized "I know it was inappropriate behavior."_

_"It's not that" the attendant clarified. "We show racier stuff on the inflight movie on a regular basis. No, it's just that the passengers are busy filming a passenger throwing a tantrum in business class and they asked me to have you hold off about twenty minutes so they can stream your make-out session."_

_"Oh."_

The short man in the hat and checked suit refused George entry to Professor Schreiner's compartment through the gap of the slightly opened door; too small an opening to see if anyone else was inside as the man called for help without dropping the cigarette between his lips. George didn't have time to formulate a plan as a huge hand gripped his shoulder. Turning, he saw a very big man with shiny dental work grab him and force him to the rear of the car, where the mountain of a man opened the door and threw George out onto the ground beside the tracks. He scrambled to his feet and tried to grab the train but it sped by too quickly and was gone.

George cursed for a few seconds.

_"I need to speak to the professor, please" George asked the man in the hat and coat. He spoke quietly because those nearby were resting due to the early hour. His attention was drawn to the closed door of the bathroom._

_The man pushed George back with a quick shove. "The professor's having some trouble in there; he probably won't come out for a long time. Beat it."_

_"No, you don't understand. His secretary told me to..."_

_"He ain't seeing nobody. Now get lost. Rease!"_

_"I just want to..." George started to explain, but he was quickly yanked away by a behemoth who almost carried him to the front of the airplane. With George held in the iron grip of his left hand, he used his right and his massive strength to force the front door, which was ripped open by the wind that whipped past the fuselage. The sudden loss of pressure pulled both outside and into free fall._

_Panicking, George's only hope was to reach Rease and wrestle his parachute away from him. When he finally managed to catch up, he watched as Rease shrugged; he had no 'chute either._

_George cursed his last few seconds._

George ran through the cars, pursued by Rease. He tried to barricade himself in the baggage car, but as Rease was succeeding in breaking through the door he grabbed a speargun from a display and climbed up on the roof of the train. Trapped, and with the huge thug raising a gun toward him, he fired the speargun and impaled the giant causing him to fall to his death off the train. George turned to crawl back and was caught by a signal arm, which neatly scrapped him off the rooftop. When he scrambled to his feet he was unable to reach the receding train.

George cursed some more.

_Past deck chairs and around startled passengers, George ran toward the stern of the cruise ship. Behind him, a man at least a head taller than anyone else was moving quickly in his direction. He climbed a stairway to the next level and continued aft; looking back, he saw the massive man closing. George made it to the fantail, where a sporting goods display had been set up. He grabbed a speargun and aimed it at the advancing hulk._

_"Any closer and I'll shoot!" George warned._

_Rease paused for a moment, then grinned and continued his advance. George shot, and the foam spear bounced harmlessly off the thug. George spun around and read the "NERF SPORTS" banner before cursing, throwing the weapon at the man and jumping over the railing into the water._

_Cursing could be heard from the water's surface, becoming fainter as the ship continued its course._

"You finish up in here" Grover Muldoon told George while he was busy touching up shoe polish on his face in an attempt to look black "and I'll go get the tickets." While George was getting groove lessons from the shoe shiner, Grover safely procured tickets to get on the train George had already been off three times. As he returned from the ticket agent he stopped in his tracks as he saw George; now in disguise with a satin jacket, hat, dark glasses and transistor radio he bopped and swung as he made his way toward the security agents near the boarding area.

They made it safely past and onto the train.

_Grover watched as George came out of the restroom in a grotesque exaggeration of a brother. Grover hid his face at the sight; this wasn't going to work - it couldn't work. But it seemed to fool everyone else until a larger sister put herself in front of George, stopping him. "What the hell are you doin'? You ain't black!" She yelled as George stopped dead in his tracks and people began to look._

_Grover rushed over and tried to smooth things over. "Sure he is - he's my cousin; he's got a rare skin disease."_

_"Look at his hands; they're both white! And there's a spot under your chin. Cultural misappropriation!" the woman screamed as she continued to make a fuss. Security started to hurry over and Grover fled outside the terminal; George followed, cursing the plan._

George leaned out over the gap between the two train cars. The train attendant Ralston had said the only way to engage the emergency brake was to uncouple the last car from the rest of the train. Hilly, Ralston and Grover moved to the last car and guided George to the lever. He struggled, but was finally able to work the lever are release the car, swinging over at the last minute as they watched the runaway train leave them behind on its way to the Chicago terminal.

The train car slowly came to a stop just inside the outer parts of the station, where they disembarked and surveyed the damage the engine and the rest of the cars had created before they ground to a halt. A warning by radio had allowed an evacuation of the station and it appeared no one was injured.

_George, Grover and Hilly ran to the back of the bus where they were joined a short time later by Ralston, a retired bus driver._

_"How do we slow this thing down?" George asked._

_"We can't; the bomb will go off if it drops below sixty. If you want off, you're going to have to jump."_

_George opened the side window and looked down at the ground speeding past. "Death by bomb, death by crash, or death by being ground up as hamburger. Not much of a choice, is it?" Just then the bus ran over a curb and started to drive across the lawn of a city park._

_"It is for me!" Ralston said as he dove out the window._

_"Why couldn't I have taken the train?" George yelled as he dove out next, cursing as he went._

The End

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**A/N: I've only ridden a train for a trip of about twenty minutes; maybe someday I'll try the sleeper car experience. Hopefully there won't be any spy tomfoolery onboard to make things REALLY interesting.**


End file.
